Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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