I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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