If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
