By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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