shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
