3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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