dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
