I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
