im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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