final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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