Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
