Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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