I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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