We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dick very happy bro
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This toilet bowl is my home.
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