I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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