I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
