Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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