Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
