I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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