Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
