her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
