Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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