took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
