dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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