I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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