the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
