Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
