Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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