the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
