Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You work out of a Hotel?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
