if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
