Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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