just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize