it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
