apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
