Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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