There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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