y did u give ur computer a hand job?
id be glad to
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
