I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's always time for handjobs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
