That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
