I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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