you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
