Your tits are I can't wait for
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
