I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
