cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
