He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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