I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
