This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
