So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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