so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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