She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
