I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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