hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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