Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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