ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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