Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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