he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
