I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
