hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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