he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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