someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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