He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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