dude i'm inner monologue high
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
