Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
