you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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