take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
