Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
