dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize