dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Randomize
