the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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