watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
