I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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