he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
