You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
