just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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