Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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