There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
