life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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