You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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