Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I could make wine with my vomit
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
