im drinking this country out of the recession.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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